Blue Eyed Nostalgia

Much like any of my projects I start, I seem to abandon them, but for some reason today I felt the urge to write on this blog again.

Whenever you move, there will always be boxes. Boxes of clothes, boxes of books, and boxes of useless crap you think will bring in some money. Yet, every box will tell you a story.

Today I opened such a box, my Haileybury box. This box in a matter of minutes, made me feel every emotion imaginable. I laughed, I cried, I even became full of rage and anger. I seem to be one of these people who keep the small things. To other people these things would seem silly and insignificant, but when you look back at them now 4 years on, you realise what they truly meant to you.

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The first thing I found in this box was my year book. I remember writing my little “memories” for this book and struggling to come up with things to say. Now that I re-read it I can’t help think to my self “Did I honestly write that and think it was funny?”
I remember the day that we all received our books and I was going through them and feeling heartbroken that certain people hadn’t included me in their goodbyes. This book also made me laugh at all the things people had written where they saw themselves in a few years time or the “most likely to become” categories.

The next thing I found was my old design technology folder full of my course work, drawings, and graphics that I had made for my A2. Never in my life did I think that learning this stuff at 17 would have helped me get the job that I now have. I remembered the time and effort that I spent down in that department, and to think it was all worth while.

I also found a folder full of little things. Boardmaster tickets from 2007, letters and cards from people I loved,and an apology from someone ive always tried to forget.

I was average at Haileybury, and I liked it that way. I didn’t feel like I had to keep up a reputation to impress anyone, or try to build a reputation like others. I was just there. I had my friends and I was content. When reading my year book I remember my best friend writing the little “blurb” about me, asking me if I wanted some of the ongoing rumors to be put to an end. It makes me laugh thinking that some girls would spread something saying I was pregnant, and continued it for 3 years. I think they would have realised that something would have popped out by that time but they always gossiped in biology, so you never know.
When it comes to my friends though, I know I made my mistakes, and since leaving ive tried to mend them, but some aren’t meant to be fixed. I look back at those years now and wonder why so many of us never stayed in contact.

A connection on Facebook is not a connection in real life.

And now even after Uni has finished for me it feels like the same thing. It’s strange because everyone now has grown up, grown apart, and became a new person. People that i was friends with at school are now strangers, and I know they would say the same about me. I don’t want to think that some of these friendships are just ones seen in our year book or “photos of you and……”, i want these friendships to be the ones that when you meet up, it seems like you have never been apart.

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I’ve wronged people and I’ve been wronged by others as well, but if it wasn’t for all of this happening in my past i wouldn’t be the person i am today. I wouldn’t be sitting here on my bed, surround by the people I love and the people who love me, insanely happy with who I’m with and what I have, if I hadn’t taken those chances or made a few mistakes.

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Opening this box mad me nostalgic,but not for the place, not for the good and bad memories made there, but for the people I’ve lost since I’ve left. I know it takes two to make these things work, and distance is always seen as an issue, and even though it may not seem it, but I think about you. Do you think about me too?